Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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