Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
