Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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