Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
