Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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