so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
