i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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