My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
