wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
