She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
