They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
