I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
