the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
