I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
