dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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