I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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