first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
