these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
