I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's always time for handjobs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
