Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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