I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
