Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
