I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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