I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
