after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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