you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
