he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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