hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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