Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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