America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
im on a boat
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