Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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