Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
