Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
