If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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