I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
