She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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