Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
