just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
honey bunches of taint.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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