He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
