I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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