I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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