Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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