I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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