I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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