a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
