We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
