I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
