I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
