my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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