I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
